Awful Truths Learned From Twitter

Twitter has been around for seven years now, and has established itself as a multibillion dollar companion to Facebook's social networking revolution. It's also popularized the use of the hashtag, which has littered Facebook posts with such illegible nonsense so as to ignite a tiny fire of throat-punching rage in everyone who has "That Friend" always popping up on their news feed. Seriously, if you're using a hashtag on Facebook, it better be a freaking Game of Thrones reference.

#WinterIsComing

But this isn't an article about hashtags, this is an article about Twitter, and there are some things about Twitter you probably didn't know......

Above is a snapshot of the top 6 accounts followed on Twitter. Some interesting notes- the mystery person in the top spot has a ridiculous ten times as many "tweets" as the next most popular account. Also, the top two are each following over 100,000 accounts, which is suspicious because as we've noted before, Twitter followers can be bought as a commodity. Follower-hungry musicians, movie stars, and other notable figures often use automated programs to follow people who follow similar celebrities, hoping the action will be reciprocated. So when you take into account the fact that most people's social circle consists of roughly 150 people, anything in the 100k range is blatantly outrageous.

We can safely assume that three of those top 6 individuals up there follow only close personal contacts, while numbers 1,2, and 4 are in the business of scrounging up as many followers as possible through automated means. And considering #4 is following over 600 thousand people, it's safe to guess that they're the biggest attention whore around. Ready for the next picture?

Oh look! A list of the world's most unnecessary people. 

Justin Bieber has more followers than the combined populations of New York City and Los Angeles. Lady Gaga has a few more followers than the entire population of California. Just look at that list! Rinanna? Taylor Swift? This is supposed to be a list of the most followed and therefore famous people on the planet, and instead reads as a list of people who don't deserve to be famous at all. This isn't just the top followers of people who suck at music, this is the worldwide top 6. Where's Lebron James? He's pretty famous, right? Yeah, Famous enough to be #67.

Rappers hang out with this punk for his fans, not his swag. Plus rappers usually have a thing for white girls.  

**Editor's note: I think you know we can't publish that joke.**

The five con artists masquerading as musicians that top this list are all disgustingly untalented, and make a living rewriting their same bubblegum-pop songs every year or so. But surprisingly, that's not even the saddest aspect of the Twitter top 6. What the heck is the President of the United States doing at #4 on this list?! We may never know the "why", but we can guess at the "how": the man is following 661,843 people.

Which is a conservative estimate, since recent events suggest he's following closer to 316 million.

So of the six most "adored" celebrities in the world, five are musicians created in labs by record labels looking to rake in mountains of cash, and one is a politician created in much the same fashion (and for the same reason). Excellent. We're all just thrilled at the state of the world right now.

So how far down this list of celebrities do you have to look before finding one actually worth following? Depends on your preferences, but for us here at the Mind Grenades offices, we had to scroll all the way down to #68.

Conan's the only individual in the entire top 100 we actually like. 

Neil Patrick Harris doesn't show up until #120.

-L

4 Things To Stop Being Wrong About

Nancy Grace is the very personification of being wrong about everything forever.

Most people know by now that Twinkies do not have an infinite shelf life, and Columbus was well aware that the Earth was round. When something becomes common knowledge, it's no longer a misconception, it's just something that stupid people think. None of us want to be stupid.

Unless you're one of these people. In which case HOLY CRAP THE BLACK-EYED PEAS READ MY BLOG.

Here are some things that should be more accurately understood. Let's all get a little smarter today......


#4- Cinco de Mayo Isn't Mexican Independence Day

It's actually the day back in 1862 that some underdog Mexican forces beat occupying France in the Battle of Puebla. That was way back when countries could fight each other without the U.S. getting involved (we were a little preoccupied at the time).

This was pretty much how the world worked until the 1950's.

We're not saying we shouldn't celebrate it- it's totally cool to have a reason at least one day a year to hold a nation-wide fiesta. Just know that Mexican 4th of July is actually September 16th (and you probably don't want to ever call it "Mexican 4th of July").

#3- Canada Really Isn't That Bad

"We're really very nice people!"

There's this trend right now where bashing Canadians is a thing. That's fine, because a lot of times it's really freaking funny. But let's not stretch it to the point of actual prejudice, because that's not cool. Remember that Canada, in truth, is a really great neighboring country.

Appreciate good neighbors.

Canada gave us Michael J Fox, Drake, pretty blonde women, peanut butter, Basketball, Superman, and....seriously, peanut butter. Canada is also pretty awesome at ridding the world of terrorists, so...you know, have a little respect. True, Justin Bieber and Carly Rae Jepsen are both products of our icy northern neighbor, but you can't bash a country just because of a few celebrities. None of us want America hated on just because of one individual.

"Don't go there"- Editor

#2- Hashtagging 

Just to be clear, we here at MindGrenades are not a part of the internet-wide war on Facebook hashtagging, which is totally happening and is rather hilarious. Apparently hashtags are supposed to be some sort of twitter categorization feature, but in reality, nobody cares about the subject matter of anything you ever tweet. 

Like, ever. 

Rachel Nichols, you are the exception. Keep up the good work.

Mostly the hashtag is just a clever way of adding some comedic punch to whatever it is you're trying to say.  For example, 

"Abuse of the hashtag is an epidemic, one that can only be fought by enraged status updates! #WarsThatDon'tMatter"

That extra funny twist at the end can be pretty humorous, even in a status update. But remember that the hashtag doesn't perform any real function, so if you are hashtagging things like "#OMG#SoCute#BestFran", it's kind of pointless. 

An aside concerning social media; ever wonder how the Facebook guy got so rich by inventing a website? I mean really, what's the product he's offering that gets him all that money? It's you, and your personal info. 

Let that sink in before reading this next sentence about how Twitter followers are often bought by musicians and other stars to boost their popularity. When a record label sees a musician with 100,000 Twitter followers, they see potential CD sales, therefore making your interest in following someone on Twitter a valuable, tradable commodity. For as little as a penny per person, any wannabe celebrity with enough capital can buy living, breathing, human followers through software that targets Twitter users who follow similar, more popular stars. 

38.7 Million followers, more than the population of the most populated city on Earth.

It's basically Pandora radio but instead of offering you new music you may like, it informs you of another desperate star who wants you in their fan club army.

Don't abuse the hashtag, and don't be bought into someone's fan army for a penny.

#1- Wearing A Funny Hat Doesn't Make Someone A Hipster

It may just mean they're Canadian...

Not everything is "Hipster". Some things totally are, we all know that. It's not like we should stop using the term just because it gets overused- that's what the true Hipsters would want. But the guy riding his bike to work isn't necessarily an eco-friendly "Green Living" nut who hates the emissions a car coughs out into the atmosphere, maybe he just doesn't like paying four bucks a gallon for gas. Or maybe his wife needs the car that day. Or maybe he just freaking enjoys riding his bike. 

Or maybe this is his girlfriend.

We're not going to list here the definitive compilation of Hipster characteristics and attributes in order to help with your identification of such individuals (although that could totally be a future entry). But sometimes guys just wear funny hats. Sometimes people really do like crappy music that nobody's heard of. Sometimes girls wear glasses that are simply for looks and perform no function.

You are annoying and not fooling anybody.

The point is, there are all sorts of awesome people with every degree of varying interests and dislikes, and not everyone that disagrees with you is a Hipster by default. 


That is all.

P.S. Be nice to Canadians.


-L