Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Things We Can All Do Without

True, we could probably just end this article right here.
...Sorry, Keith. You're alright

For those of you who don't know, I spent the last two years in Memphis and surrounding areas as a church service missionary. This is a peculiar situation to be in for two years- you sort of live under a rock when it comes to pop culture. You get all your information from the Sonic Drive-in and the tabloids in Walmart. So imagine being "out of the loop" for two years and then returning home only to find out that the world you live in still hasn't outgrown several things you figured would be dead and gone by then. 

And so begins my list-based blogging once more. 

#1- Awkward, Unnecessarily Personal Facebook Status Updates

I thought by now everyone would've figured out that the internet can be a mean neighborhood. It probably isn't in your best interest to post something you should only be talking to a trusted friend about, because you usually aren't considering who all will see it (your parents, your ex, your ex's parents...)

Potential employers check your facebook page, potential identity thieves also check your facebook page, and creepy stalkers from your english 101 class most definitely check your facebook page (awesome infographic on that last link, by the way). Just something to keep in mind next time you decide to be dramatic with your status.

#2- Soccer on ESPN, and the WNBA

Sorry, soccer fans- I've tried to like it. I made an honest effort to appreciate the sport. Can't do it.

Putting soccer highlights on Sportscenter makes as much sense as showing us all European basketball; nobody recognizes any of the players or teams, they're playing for some sort of championship nobody understands, and there is far too much hair and whining involved. There's a reason Americans only watch soccer every four years during the world cup- it's because we know what the heck is going on. It's like March Madness on a global scale- we are totally down with that. You know what we're not down with? 


Also- it's a well-documented fact that for whatever reason, girls basketball just isn't very exciting.  Quick, name two WNBA why is it still around? Why do we live in the world where we can have women's basketball each year but no XFL? That's a tragedy.

#3- VW Beetles

I kind of already hated these cars, both because they look stupid and because it's the clueless college girl vehicle of choice, so they're often being driven stupidly. They don't get good gas mileage, they can't tow anything, you can't cram many people in them and if you crash, your face is already pressed against the windshield. All in all just the worst design for a car ever. There is not a single redeemable quality about it. There are only cons and no pros. It is the vehicular equivalent of crocs.

And it comes in all the same pretty colors

The 2013 model looks like they tried giving it a different kind of vibe, but what they got is a car that looks ridiculous even on the showroom floor, where everything is supposed to look awesome.

#4- Hipsters Singing About Credit Reports

Pretty self-explanatory.

That is all.


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