Monday, September 30, 2013

4 Things We Can All Agree On!

Loyal readers, you may have recently heard somewhat concerning the U.S. Government's inability to agree on [who knows what] and now NASA employees are bored at home and you can no longer tour the Statue of Liberty. Lots of clever photoshopped images are flying around your Facebook news feed, the majority having to do with the fact that when the rest of us don't do our jobs it's us that gets fired, not everybody else. Some people are calling doomsday, but most are just calling for the states to all get together and pass a "If congress can't do their job, elect a new freaking congress" law. Neither of those are likely to happen. In short, nobody seems to be able to agree on anything anymore. We dedicated this morning to searching for anything and everything that absolutely 100% of everyone everywhere should be able to agree on. We came up with this short list:

#1 Jalepenos Are Not, Nor Will They Ever Be, The "New Bacon"

Could this happen with Jalepenos? Freaking no it couldn't.

This blasphemous article from the inexplicably popular time-wasting site Buzzfeed has been bouncing around Facebook recently, titled "13 Reasons Why Jalapeno Is The New Bacon". If you actually check that link out, you'll notice the list includes exactly zero legitimate reasons explaining why that is the case--probably because there aren't any reasons why that's the case. The article suggests that "Bacon's time is over", when in reality the only thing that's "over" is that punk's internet writing career.

Leave the list-based writing to the professionals.

Bacon's time is not over, because bacon is awesome. We're pretty confident we don't even like bacon nearly as much as most people, and we still think it's delicious. In fact, let's just all agree right now that food in general is awesome.

Taco Pizza exists.

#2 Tom Hardy Is Awesome And Should Be In More Movies

This one really doesn't take much more explanation, at least for anyone who's ever seen any of his major films. The guy kicks butt in everything he's in, and still manages to avoid the overhype that so often accompanies big names in movies.

Oh, hey, speaking of Leo Dicaprio, here's a shot of him starring in "The Wolf of Wallstreet"....or...wait, maybe this picture is from "Gatsby". Or maybe he's just being himself at some awards show. Does it count as acting if every role you play is "rich white man who throws parties", and in your spare time you're that same exact guy? We totally do not need two movies about a guy who throws lavish parties until they reach their tragic end, and typecasting Dicaprio as the universal go-to irresponsible rich man is about as creative as casting Bruce Greenwood as a really really important person.

Anyway, back to where we started this whole thing- Tom Hardy is generally only in movies you'd consider to be of the "Top 20 movies I'd keep if I could only keep 20 movies the rest of my life" caliber. Most of you saw 'Inception':

Hardy seen here on the left alongside Joseph Gordon Leavitt, who looks uncomfortable with being
only the second best looking gentleman on camera.

And basically everyone saw 'The Dark Knight Rises', where Hardy was tasked with giving us all a villain good enough that we could almost forget the Joker isn't in the movie.

"Acting is hard when you can't show your face, right?"
"Yeah, plus we have to speak in these ridiculous voices. How are people even taking us seriously?"

And then there was the movie 'Warrior', which somehow everybody missed, where [No major spoilers] Hardy plays a troubled fighter who enters a UFC tournament for deeply emotional reasons we can't express here without spoilers. That's a totally pathetic excuse of a summary for one of the most emotional movies you'll ever watch....and it's a fighting movie. Seriously, Top 20.

Are you the type that never really gets choked up at movies? 
This scene will make you cry manly tears.

Seriously this is on Netflix, go watch it right now. Avoid reading the plot synopsis if you can, it's better to not know.

#3 Mister Rogers Was An Incredible Human Being

Mister Rogers was a rare type of individual. A full summary is on a wikipedia page here, but instead of paraphrasing his life story, here are a few videos that will give you an idea of what this guy was really like. First of all, here's Rogers going to bat for all of us back at the start of his career:

Things get real at 3:44 if you aren't patient enough to watch the whole thing

You earn a Platinum Man Card when you can sit in a senate hearing and, in six minutes of testimony, completely win over everyone in the room through sheer sincerity. Here he is earning perhaps the most deserved lifetime achievement award ever:

Holy crap, Mister Rogers just made an auditorium full of A-list celebrities cry. If the tears aren't rolling yet, don't worry- we've got one more for you. Here he is, saying what he would say to you if he were ever to meet you in person:

#4 Ohio State Football Has Class

We're nearing the end of this post, but we saved this one for last because it's extra incredible. The man in the following video is Dom Tiberi, who's been a part of the local sports family in Athens, Ohio for two solid decades. His daughter Maria was a student at Ohio State, but was killed in a car wreck about a week before this video was taken. This is after the team's win over Wisconsin:

Say what you want about college athletes, if they know one thing it's how to treat family. 

That's it for our list today, but we'll continue to brainstorm and bring you all more things we can all agree on in order to promote hope in the idea that at some point the country will get its act together.


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